I am writing today out of curiosity. My topic today: SWINGERS. (Long story on why this topic is on my brain today...but it has nothing to do with me!) Here is my question. How do you have sex with out an emotional component being attached to it? If you are part of a couple, that cares and loves one another, how do you willingly give yourself and your partner to other people? I have always believed that when you have sex...you give away a piece of yourself to that other person. Now, I am not a virgin (obviously, I have kids) nor have I only had sex with one person or even just a couple of people...but each time there has been an emotional component to it. Not all of those relationships ever became great loves of my life, but there was ALWAYS emotion there. I can't imagine being in love and totally committed to my partner and not being damaged by them giving to others what they are giving me. How does that work? How do you seperate it?
My 2nd question...wouldn't you think that it would have to be out of balance? That there would be one person who maybe goes along with it for the sake of the other's desire? Or, if they are both ok with it...there has to be circumstances where one half of the couple isn't attracted to the other half of the other couple...we all have different likes and dislikes and swinging has to be based purely on lust. You don't take time to get to know them, you don't like their sense of humour or fall in love with their mind...what happens when wifey isn't into the other woman's partner? How does that work? I can see maybe enjoying some passionate sex with someone that you are totally attracted to...but what if you aren't. Then what? Do you let hubby get it on with the wife and you just say...pass? Wouldn't you feel like your husband had one up on you. I doubt that a man would ever pass up any type of sex, but us women...we would. We couldn't enjoy random sex with someone that we have nothing with...no emotion and no attraction?
My 3rd concern (and forgive me if I am a little old fashioned)...I feel that the more times you experience an "act" - like having sex - just the act, no attachment, no emotions, no bonding...that it has to lessen the experience in general. Do porn stars love sex after doing it over and over again...day after day? It has to become mechanical and less satisfying...maybe initially there would be a thrill...but that has to fade. Then what? You take up extreme sports or start playing Russian roulette? I am somewhat of a thrill seeker myself but that is just a thrill I don't think would be to the benefit of my relationship...I'm not trying to be judgemental here...just trying to wrap my head around it.
One of the websites I have been reading said that swingers use the current divorce statistic of 60% and say that 37% of husbands and 29% of wives admit to affairs. I understand those statistics, but isn't cheating is due to more of an emotional need not being met, rather than a physical one?Affairs make people feel special and wanted. It's about the feeling, not the sex. I don't think if you are feeling loved by your partner that you would even desire sex with another person. Isn't the normal response to want sex from your partner...isn't that part of it?
They say that swinging is just about sex, not emotion, friendship or love. That jealousy isn't an issue, since there is no relationship with the other parties. They say it provides adventure and variety and the opportunity to live out fantasies as a couple, with no deceit.
I did learn some new "swinger" lingo...
- Greedy Girls' Nights...nights catering to women who want multiple men...a.k.a. gang bangs
- Barebacking...groups that swing without using protection. They are safe because they all stay with in their little tight knit disease free community. How special...
Wow. Wow. and Wow.
Signing off possibly for the weekend...my best girls are coming to town and we have a play date with Mr. Kenny Chesney. Whoooo weeeee!!!!
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