My children. They are my entire world. These little girls bring me so much joy and happiness...the love I feel for them, I can't even put into words. Yet, on a day to day basis, after work, cleaning the house, dinner, laundry...I am cranky and tired...I am dying for ME time. Sometimes, I just want to be left alone. Some days...I want to run away! I know that's probably pretty normal feeling for a mom to have from time to time...but I feel guilty about it. What would happen if one or both of my children were suddenly taken from me? How much would I regret the times that I was too tired to read them a book or play with them? The truth is, the time I spend with them, it renews my spirit. They make me laugh...they make me SO happy. They remind me of what's really important. An hour spent with them does so much more for me then an hour spent vegging in front of the t.v. I have to do better. I want to do better. I do not want to feel like a day goes by that I don't give 110% to being their mom and showing them just what they mean to me. 
My friends. I think I have the most appreciation already for my time spent with my friends. I have had the same small group of girl friends since Jr. High...we have all gone in our own directions to adulthood...marriages, divorces, babies, houses, etc...but we are still close. Our times together are few and far between and the days of spending every moment together...those have passed...so I find myself anticipating and really enjoying my time with them. They are like sisters...no, they are better than sisters. They accept me and love me for who I am, they are my backbone, my therapy, my comedians, my heart. I love these girls. They know this, but I think I really should show them more. Two of these friends are great at this...they are always sending notes, cards, thank you's, little gifts...they remind me with these things how much they love me. I am really going to try to start being a better friend and finding ways to show them that they are always on my mind and in my heart.
My family. I just lost my grandma a few weeks ago. She was really the only grandparent that I have had, since all the others passed away when I was young. I have so many great memories from my childhood of the times I spent with her. She was always so good at loving me. She would send me cards and letters after I was older and she didn't see me much anymore. I don't think I ever wrote her back. That makes me sad. Even the last few years when she was battling cancer, I didnt' make the time to go and visit her like I should have. It should have been important to me. It wasn't. I thought about her often, but just never seemed to make the time. I was able to go and see her right before she passed away, we talked about old times and I told her just how much I loved her and what she meant to me. I am so grateful for that time with her at the end, but I do wish that I had made her more of a priority...I know I was always a big priority of hers.
My love. I have failed so many times at relationships! I am still learning and I feel like I have a new understanding of what a real grown up realtionship is all about. I'm learning that for me to ever be content and happy I have to stop searching for the fantasy...how I imagine it should be in my head. This isn't a romance novel or a chick flick...he's not going to say all the right things, he's not going to bring me flowers and write me love notes every day. But he does love me. He wants to share his life with me. He is a friend to me. He has my back and he wants what is best for me. I need to be able to appreciate more of the little things. Him letting me sleep in while he get's up with the kids in the morning. Him coming home early from work, even though he's on his blackberry all night still working...he is here with me, because he wants to be. Our long talks laying in bed at night...our coffee dates on Sunday mornings. I need to be able to see that stuff more...stop bitching (so much) and appreciate more the moments with him...especially the every day normal stuff. These are the times that I know I would miss if I ever lost him.
I know it's inevitable that we eventually lose the ones we love...I just want to make sure that the next time it happens to me...I can KNOW that I didn't let any moments of time with these people slip away without me fully appreciating them. I love you all.
XOXO
1 comment:
wow thanks for the sweet ode to tiffany's life posting.. i laughed and cried.. you have inspired me to do my own.. of course this will actually require to use my brain.. ick....
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