Swinging...

Warning, this is not a friendly mom post. You will not see pictures of children playing at the park here.

I am writing today out of curiosity. My topic today: SWINGERS. (Long story on why this topic is on my brain today...but it has nothing to do with me!) Here is my question. How do you have sex with out an emotional component being attached to it? If you are part of a couple, that cares and loves one another, how do you willingly give yourself and your partner to other people? I have always believed that when you have sex...you give away a piece of yourself to that other person. Now, I am not a virgin (obviously, I have kids) nor have I only had sex with one person or even just a couple of people...but each time there has been an emotional component to it. Not all of those relationships ever became great loves of my life, but there was ALWAYS emotion there. I can't imagine being in love and totally committed to my partner and not being damaged by them giving to others what they are giving me. How does that work? How do you seperate it?

My 2nd question...wouldn't you think that it would have to be out of balance? That there would be one person who maybe goes along with it for the sake of the other's desire? Or, if they are both ok with it...there has to be circumstances where one half of the couple isn't attracted to the other half of the other couple...we all have different likes and dislikes and swinging has to be based purely on lust. You don't take time to get to know them, you don't like their sense of humour or fall in love with their mind...what happens when wifey isn't into the other woman's partner? How does that work? I can see maybe enjoying some passionate sex with someone that you are totally attracted to...but what if you aren't. Then what? Do you let hubby get it on with the wife and you just say...pass? Wouldn't you feel like your husband had one up on you. I doubt that a man would ever pass up any type of sex, but us women...we would. We couldn't enjoy random sex with someone that we have nothing with...no emotion and no attraction?

My 3rd concern (and forgive me if I am a little old fashioned)...I feel that the more times you experience an "act" - like having sex - just the act, no attachment, no emotions, no bonding...that it has to lessen the experience in general. Do porn stars love sex after doing it over and over again...day after day? It has to become mechanical and less satisfying...maybe initially there would be a thrill...but that has to fade. Then what? You take up extreme sports or start playing Russian roulette? I am somewhat of a thrill seeker myself but that is just a thrill I don't think would be to the benefit of my relationship...I'm not trying to be judgemental here...just trying to wrap my head around it.

One of the websites I have been reading said that swingers use the current divorce statistic of 60% and say that 37% of husbands and 29% of wives admit to affairs. I understand those statistics, but isn't cheating is due to more of an emotional need not being met, rather than a physical one?Affairs make people feel special and wanted. It's about the feeling, not the sex. I don't think if you are feeling loved by your partner that you would even desire sex with another person. Isn't the normal response to want sex from your partner...isn't that part of it?

They say that swinging is just about sex, not emotion, friendship or love. That jealousy isn't an issue, since there is no relationship with the other parties. They say it provides adventure and variety and the opportunity to live out fantasies as a couple, with no deceit.

I did learn some new "swinger" lingo...

• Greedy Girls' Nights...nights catering to women who want multiple men...a.k.a. gang bangs
• Barebacking...groups that swing without using protection. They are safe because they all stay with in their little tight knit disease free community. How special...

Wow. Wow. and Wow.

Signing off possibly for the weekend...my best girls are coming to town and we have a play date with Mr. Kenny Chesney. Whoooo weeeee!!!!

Back to school.

Today was Amaya's first day of pre-k! And Kayla's 2nd day of first grade!

She was excited as we walked to school, carrying her nap mat and chatting with the crossing guard. She anxiously awaited for us to find her classroom and when we walked in she met her teacher and found her desk. It was all smiles until she realized that Kayla and I were leaving her...alone...all day at school. The tears started coming and she just kept hugging me and saying...No Mommy, don't go. I want Kayla to stay! I love you! It KILLED me to leave her, but I knew that once we were outta sight, she would be fine. Kayla had a harder time leaving her than I did. Amaya's teacher sat down beside her,...I saw that she was occupied, so I quickly slipped out of the door. Kayla was right behind me, but she kept looking back at Amaya. Once outside Kayla yelled in "I love you, Maya!"

As I was walking Kayla to her classroom, she said "Mommy, it hurts me when Maya's upset. I feel sad when she's sad. I hope she's ok..." I assured Kayla that she would be fine and that Maya would love school just like she does and I told her what a great big sister she is and how proud I am that my little girls love each other so much.

After dropping Kayla off, I walked back home...and amazingly, I didn't cry. I have always been terrified that when the time came, I wouldn't be able to let go. It was mind over matter today, but I did it and without tears.

And now I get to enjoy a peaceful day of working from home with no children! I'm celebrating!

"Naked Fools"

I've been locked in doors all week thanks to constant rain from Tropical Storm Fay. I finally was able to get out last night for a big exciting trip out to the grocery store! Not very exciting, but I took the chance to escape for an hour and I really did enjoy every moment of it. I've always loved grocery shopping...something about walking up and down the aisles, filling up that cart and then coming home and filling up the house with food. Makes me feel good. TGIF and I'm looking forward to a good weekend...hoping the weather isn't continously crappy. We have furniture that needs to be redone and big yard renovations planned. I am looking forward to some grown up time with Tim. He has even been talking of turning off the Blackberry this weekend...here's to hoping!

I am SO craving adventure today. I wish I could have a coffee date with one of my friends, we could wander around antique shops looking for treasures...or a long dinner with cocktails, where we laugh, act silly and talk late into the night. Or go to the beach at dusk and just soak in the waves and the salt and drink a bottle of wine. Or get really dressed up and go out for a ridiculously expensive meal - adults only of course. I'd be happy even with a great book, one that totally changes my perspective, something to excite my brain. I feel stagnant. Weighted down by mundane things. Repetition. UGH.

I don't want this to be a depressing...so here's some kid updates.

Amaya's new favorite thing is to pull pranks. She'll come up with a wild story about a giraffe in the back yard...or say...Momma, your hair is turning blue...and then she get's this big grin on her face - points at me with both hands and says " NAKED FOOLS!!!!" HA! It cracks me up everytime! She's grown up so much in the last month...my baby is going to "big girl school" (pre-k) on Monday. Maybe it's her new independance from "Big Love" - her pillow that not only had a name, went everywhere with her and was probably the closest thing she's had to a best friend thus far...she just seems so grown up. She has the funniest little personality and the BIGGEST sense of humour I've ever seen in a child her age. She makes me laugh often. She's sees the "funny" in everything and that I love.

Kayla has become a diva. She prances around the house, moving her hips from side to side in a very exaggerated way...most sentances are spoken in her very best "valley girl" voice. She giggles in this high pitched cackle...she snaps her fingers over her head as she voices her comment on how she thinks things should be. She wants "make-overs" every day, glitter lip gloss, painted finger nails and her beautiful curly har...she wants it straightened with a flat iron. She changes her clothes almost once an hour. She crushes on 15 year old boys...like Nick from the Jonas Brother's. She tells me she knows how to dance hip hop. She is six. How do I stop my little baby from growing up so fast....too fast?

A few weeks back at dinner...Z asked Tim - Poppa, you'd tell me if you were a robot, right? I don't know the last time I have laughed that hard. He was dead serious. Really concerned....so funny!

XOXO

Every sweet moment...

This and this are my inspiration for this post. I have been reading these sad, yet inspiring, blog's for the past few days...and I have come to realize that I need to make some changes. I do not want to wait until it's too late. I have deep love for the people in my life, yet I find the day to day stuff getting in the way (as I'm sure we all do) of really taking in and enjoying every moment that I spend with the most important thing in my life, my loved ones. I realize that I have been taking my time for granted. I assume these people will always be around...all though we all know, our time eventually runs out. Kids grow up. People move away...or pass away. Time is PRECIOUS. People are PRECIOUS. We have to enjoy every sweet moment...

My children. They are my entire world. These little girls bring me so much joy and happiness...the love I feel for them, I can't even put into words. Yet, on a day to day basis, after work, cleaning the house, dinner, laundry...I am cranky and tired...I am dying for ME time. Sometimes, I just want to be left alone. Some days...I want to run away! I know that's probably pretty normal feeling for a mom to have from time to time...but I feel guilty about it. What would happen if one or both of my children were suddenly taken from me? How much would I regret the times that I was too tired to read them a book or play with them? The truth is, the time I spend with them, it renews my spirit. They make me laugh...they make me SO happy. They remind me of what's really important. An hour spent with them does so much more for me then an hour spent vegging in front of the t.v. I have to do better. I want to do better. I do not want to feel like a day goes by that I don't give 110% to being their mom and showing them just what they mean to me.

My friends. I think I have the most appreciation already for my time spent with my friends. I have had the same small group of girl friends since Jr. High...we have all gone in our own directions to adulthood...marriages, divorces, babies, houses, etc...but we are still close. Our times together are few and far between and the days of spending every moment together...those have passed...so I find myself anticipating and really enjoying my time with them. They are like sisters...no, they are better than sisters. They accept me and love me for who I am, they are my backbone, my therapy, my comedians, my heart. I love these girls. They know this, but I think I really should show them more. Two of these friends are great at this...they are always sending notes, cards, thank you's, little gifts...they remind me with these things how much they love me. I am really going to try to start being a better friend and finding ways to show them that they are always on my mind and in my heart.

My family. I just lost my grandma a few weeks ago. She was really the only grandparent that I have had, since all the others passed away when I was young. I have so many great memories from my childhood of the times I spent with her. She was always so good at loving me. She would send me cards and letters after I was older and she didn't see me much anymore. I don't think I ever wrote her back. That makes me sad. Even the last few years when she was battling cancer, I didnt' make the time to go and visit her like I should have. It should have been important to me. It wasn't. I thought about her often, but just never seemed to make the time. I was able to go and see her right before she passed away, we talked about old times and I told her just how much I loved her and what she meant to me. I am so grateful for that time with her at the end, but I do wish that I had made her more of a priority...I know I was always a big priority of hers.

My love. I have failed so many times at relationships! I am still learning and I feel like I have a new understanding of what a real grown up realtionship is all about. I'm learning that for me to ever be content and happy I have to stop searching for the fantasy...how I imagine it should be in my head. This isn't a romance novel or a chick flick...he's not going to say all the right things, he's not going to bring me flowers and write me love notes every day. But he does love me. He wants to share his life with me. He is a friend to me. He has my back and he wants what is best for me. I need to be able to appreciate more of the little things. Him letting me sleep in while he get's up with the kids in the morning. Him coming home early from work, even though he's on his blackberry all night still working...he is here with me, because he wants to be. Our long talks laying in bed at night...our coffee dates on Sunday mornings. I need to be able to see that stuff more...stop bitching (so much) and appreciate more the moments with him...especially the every day normal stuff. These are the times that I know I would miss if I ever lost him.

I know it's inevitable that we eventually lose the ones we love...I just want to make sure that the next time it happens to me...I can KNOW that I didn't let any moments of time with these people slip away without me fully appreciating them. I love you all.

XOXO